A little more about some of the funny or strange things we say.

I've been guilty and so have a lot of other people.

How about something like "I've got a plane to catch."

Chances are you're never going to catch a plane. In relation to the word "catch," those flying machines are either rolling along the tarmac on the way to the runway with all doors secured or they're on the runway taking off at a rather hefty speed.

Not much catching to do there.

Perhaps it would be more in concert with reality if we said something such as "I've got a plane to get on" or "I've got a plane at the airport waiting for me."

"The car was speeding down the highway."

That's decidedly wrong in one respect and possibly not right in another.

For starters, cars are incapable of doing anything except sitting in one spot if there is not a driver behind the wheel. And, cars are not always on an up or down plain. Most of the time -- unless you live in West Virginia -- they're moving on a mostly flat road, highways or street.

Let's say you're a very nice or helpful person and you are planning on helping somebody do something.

It's a good bet -- providing you're going to discuss your plan with another person -- that you'll say something like, "I'm going to help him out" or "I'm going to help her out."

Help them out of what?

You might be able to help them out of a burning house or a wrecked automobile. Simply saying you're going to "help them out" won't cut it.

How many times have you said, "He's up in the air over something"?

That would be OK to say providing he was up in an airplane or flying on his baby boy's kite.

Either that or he has the ability to jump really high.

Are you staying with me? If so, let's see what Charlie is up to.

Charlie's wife said he was going to the mall to buy a pair of pants.

Really?

By accepted English rules, pants is plural and if you're going to buy a pair you'll come home with two. Same way with trousers. And if Charlie's wife said he was going to buy some pants, he might come home with 20 pairs.

My bride used to purchase most of my clothes because I wasn't a very lucky shopper.

There was that time when I purchased a suit with two pairs of pants and burned a hole in the coat.

Maybe I really should start writing about politics. That would be better than continuing this with a dissertation on a pair of scissors or a pair of pliers.

And the next time you're going to the mall, tell your wife you're going to buy a pair of legs. That's mostly what a pair of pants is.

P.S. I was told most of this by an old Indian who rode horseback away from his tribe and tried to catch a plane back.

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